Day 2

I'm no longer actively trying to quit drinking. I am, however, trying to quit using it as a coping method. Last night I had a huge fight with the ex. All I wanted to do was get trashed. I literally felt sick about the whole situation. It probably helped that I was out of beer in the house, but I could have easily gone to the bar. This whole job thing is wonderful. I have extra money to burn on my stupid habits.

Day 11

I'm so pround of myself, day 11. One of the roommates drinks every day and still offers me a glass of wine every day when I get home. She has great taste in wine, and yet I still resist. I have completed a few drawings and put them on my wall, not that I didn't draw while I was drinking, but I never got around to coloring or shading. I'd get bored about halfway through and give up. I'd put them up anyways, but it looks sloppy. I also attempted to learn how to juggle, but it was far too mindless to kill time with. I got good with two balls, but that's as much effort as I'm willing to get into. Over the last couple days I've embarked on a Doctor Who marathon. I'm about half a season in and a little bored with that as well. It's like I need to relearn how to live. When I'm wasted I can be entertained by basically anything, clarity kinda sucks.

Day 3

I am a little shaky still, but I managed to keep down a yogurt today. I kinda wanted to throw up all day at work, but I really can't miss any more days. I anticipate tomorrow being a little better still. Maybe, at least I'm hoping so, feeling will return to my toe. In order to pass time in the evenings I've taken up juggling. I'm still ridiculously terrible at it, but it is much safer than the drinking.I'm thinking next paycheck I will pick up another silly hobbie. Perhaps tie-dye or maybe screen printing. The latter sounds ridiculously expensive, though, so it may wait a while. Maybe I could start out slow with stencils and spray paint. Or maybe I could do something as equally unpreductive as the drinking and pick up some sort of gaming console. That's like a normal person thing, right?

Day 2

I tried to kill myself. No, I wasn't intentionally trying to die, but somehow I lost all self control. About 4 shots of tequila, 14 varied beers(mostly the stronger winters), and and entire bottle of wine. I don't know why. I just had to. I don't know if I can get better, they say addiction is forever. All I know is that right now I have a sinking feeling. All I can do is try. I can't promise any success, but for now I have today.

Day 1

We're supposed to be doing pina coladas tonight. I don't know if I really want to. As is, I want to throttle the roommate. She's a control-freak and I'm in a bit of a mood. Maybe it's the heat, but I can hardly take her sober. I don't really wanna think about dealing with her once I'm inebriated. I mean, yeah, the drinks sound amazing, but they aren't worth putting up with the nonsense.

Funny thing, I didn't mind her yesterday. We even went out to lunch. Maybe we're both in a mood.

Day 1

I went to AA again today. My friend talked me into it. I really don't feel like I belong there. I haven't hit rock bottom, I don't hang out with the kind of people that I could hit rock bottom with. I lead a good life. You know what else, I get myself in just as much trouble sober. I'm kind of a dick. I tell myself that I'm just assertive and have high self-esteem so I won't let people walk on me. This is true, but I don't have to be an asshole about it. It doesn't bother me though. I like who I am.

I was accosted twice after the meeting. The first time by a woman that told me that maybe I should go and get the partying out of my system. Wind up on a missing person's list or in jail. She said it was only because she cared. WTF? You care so you want me to end up where these other people were? The second time was about God. They asked me about the little voice in my head that tells me not to do bad things. I call it common morality. People that NEED God to be good people frighten me a bit. Like the only thing keeping them from a murderous rampage is some imaginary being. What happened to basic humanity? Fucking hell.

Day 1

Sure enough, I'm very aware that I shouldn't drink. I decided it was a good idea to talk to my ex. Talking led to flirting and then to confessing feelings that should be long gone by now. I don't know why I continuously do this to myself. I shouldn't even be friends with him. Anyways, while drinking, I made a fool of myself. I'm feeling a little embarrassed now and we'll see how starting over will do me.